Regrets
by Amberlee26
Summary: A denizen of Harmony wonders what his life would have been like if he had made different choices. One shot fic


A/N- This is a one shot fic that I wrote a while back but never got around to posting.  Italics are thoughts and bold is flashback.  Enjoy.  And don't forget to review.

St Margaret Mary's, Harmony

He stood outside the church, his shoulders hunched and his eyes drenched with tears as he watched the woman he loved join her life to another man.  His heart felt like it was breaking and he closed his eyes wishing he could turn the clock back.

_"Let this be a nightmare,"_ he thought.  

But he knew it wasn't.  His lies and cowardice had caused him the woman he loved and he had no one to blame but himself.  She had fought so hard for them to be together, had stuck by him through thick and thin but he had never once stuck by her when she needed him the most.  He had claimed to love her but had turned his back on her again and again.  And still she had stuck by him and defended their love even after he had married his childhood sweetheart and left her to raise her__son alone.  

_"If I could go back I'd do things differently_," he murmured.

But he knew that was a lie.  Their relationship hadn't stood the test of time because he hadn't been manenough to stand by her when she'd needed him the most.  He'd turned his back on her and sought comfort in the arms of his ex-girlfriend because his pride had been hurt.  He hadn't been able to admit that everything she had done had been out of love, that she'd always had his best interest at heart.  He let others manipulate him and poison his mind against her and had let the love of his life walk slip through his fingers.

And still she had stuck by him.  She'd refused to walk away, refused to let him go until his inability to stand up for what he wanted, for what was right, had forced him to cross the line.

"**You can't mean what you're saying. I trusted you, I believed in you.  How could you turn your back on me, on my son when we need you the most**?"she cried, tears seeping from her beautiful eyes.

_"_**I promised her that I wouldn't help you.  And I can't turn my back on her now, she needs me too much,**"he yelled, wanting to make her understand his position.

"**I need you, my son needs you.  Please don't abandon us.  You know that what they're doing isn't fair**."****

"**My hands are tied, I'm sorry**,"he replied, knowing that he was breaking her heart yet again.

If only he'd had the courage to stand up for what he'd wanted things might have turned out differently.  But he'd felt so guilty, so responsible for his daughter's death he hadn't been able to walk away from his wife.  She'd needed him so much.  And he couldn't blame her for wanting revenge, not after she'd found out that the miscarriage had stripped her of the opportunity to ever be a mother.  He'd been forced to choose once again between his wife and the woman who held his heart.  And he'd chosen his wife.

"**I will never forgive you for helping them take my son away.  Never."**

**"I'm sorry, I never wanted things to end like this**," he replied, his eyes begging for her understanding.

"**I loved you, I trusted you, I nearly died for you and you betrayed me in the worst possible way.  I will never understand how you could let them do this.  You know it's wrong.  Yet you stood in that court and let them twist everything around knowing all the while that they were feeding the judge lies and half-truths.  My attorney begged you to testify on my behalf and you refused.  I always believed that you were a decent, honorable man.  But I was wrong.  You are a lying, cheating, manipulative bastard and for the life of me I don't even know why I ever bothered with you.  You disgust me.  And I guess you finally got your wish because I never want to see you again.  Ever**," she replied stonily, staring at him with such loathing and contempt that he knew she meant every word.

She had cut him neatly and methodically out of her life.  If they ever ran into each other, she'd give him a cool, little smile and then walked quickly away.  And when he returned home and tucked her son in at night he knew he deserved her contempt and disdain.  But he buried his feelings deep and tried his best to be a good father to her son because that was all he had left of her.  But his best wasn't good enough it seemed because once the boy realized that he would never be allowed to see his mother again he'd sunk into a depression so deep it seemed he'd never crawl his way out.  They'd taken him to the best doctors and specialists in the country and the consensus was the same.  Return the boy to his mother or watch him die.  And for once he hadn't let himself be manipulated or browbeaten and had declared that he would give the boy back to his mother.  But he'd been too damn late.  The boy, sick and weak from his refusal to eat had passed away in his sleep before he could be given the news that might have saved his life.

"**I hate you, do you hear me, I hate you.  You and your bitch of a wife murdered my child and I will never forgive you for it.  I hope you're happy now,**" she had shouted at him as she pounded her tiny fists on his chest.

"**I'm sorry, I'm sorry**."****

"**Sorry isn't good enough.  I hope you and your bitch burn in hell for what you've done**."****

The grief and sorrow etched on her face had nearly broken him and he'd had to turn his back to her to gain control of his emotions.  When he finally mustered the courage to look her in the face she was gone.  He'd gone home and found his wife and his mother-in-law celebrating.  They'd tried to cover, had pretended they were grieving but for the first time in a long time he'd looked, really looked at his wife and had realized that the woman he'd married was a cruel and heartless bitch and that he didn't owe her a damn thing.  He'd walked away from her that night and had run out to find his ex.  He was determined to find her and get her to take him back.  He'd grovel and beg if that was what it took.  But once again he'd been too late.  

For while he had been doing everything in his power to get his marriage to work, she'd moved on and with a sense of shock he'd realized that he had lost her, forever.  In her sadness and heartache she'd turned to the one man who'd stood silently by her side, the man who'd supported her unconditionally, the man who'd been with her every step of the way.  The bond between them had been formed in the toughest circumstance, they'd turned to each other because they had no one else and had discovered a rare and magical kind of love that only two people who'd been to hell and back for each other could lay claim to.

He'd tried to break them up, had done his best to make her see that his brother was no good for her.  He'd declared his love and begged her to take him back.  She had simply laughed in his face and told him that she had moved on and that he ought to do the same.  Nothing he said or did would make her see reason.  And now he stood in back of the church, watching them commit their lives to each other in front of God and all of Harmony.  She looked radiant in the satin and cream off the shoulder gown she wore.  Her dark hair was swept up in an elegant chignon and she'd woven a crown of roses in it.  And even from the back of the church, as he stared at her beautiful face, he could see how happy, how completely relaxed she was.  And though his heart was breaking, a small part of him, the part that knew that truly loving someone meant putting their happiness above your own, was glad that she'd found love again.  No one deserved happiness more than she did after everything he had made her suffer.

_Pain.__   Sorrow.   Regret.   Loneliness.  Grief._

That was his punishment, the price he had to pay for being careless with her heart, for treating her so cavalierly, and for turning his back on her when she'd needed him most.  He was alone, truly alone, for the first time in his life.  No wife, no child, no love.  He had nothing.  And it was no more than he deserved.


End file.
